I'm sorry Humanity. I just don't like you in that way.

I just got done watching Transformers: The Movie.
I've said it before and I'll probably have to say it again. If the title of a movie features certain key words in it, I expect to see the majority of the movie focused on those keywords. When I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean, it focused a lot on pirates. Pirates got all the good lines and memorable scenes. There were lots of pirates and lots of pirates fighting and swindling and being sneaky and painting daisies on a big red rubber ball. You know, pirate-y things!

The problem with Transformers is that there are too many SHOCKING humans in my movie about giant robots. Humans eat up about 85 % of this movie. Its not just that they are there, which is bad enough, but they are handled so incredibly poorly, its not funny haha. Its funny "I'm horrified, but my brain doesn't know how to truly process this wretched scene that is unfolding before me, so I'm just going to laugh because laugh is the brain's default action when it doesn't really know what's going on." If the movie says "Transformers" in the title, I expect to see lots of Transformers and cool fights with Transformers. Yes, the last 30 minutes was great, but the hour and a half building up to it could have been reduced to about 15 minutes of plot exposition and "Hi, I'm Sam. I'm the token human and I'll be the hero. I'm the lovable loser. Well, I'm supposed to be, but I'm really a bossy prick who brings shame to my family name. Sadly I'm going to get the girl at the end and probably breed despite the fact that the world would be a better place if my grandfather had been the last of us."

I will admit that I burst out into a belly laugh at the end of the movie when the words "Directed by Michael Bay" appear and the movie starts playing "What I've Done" by Linkin Park. I think its symbolic of an apology from the director.