Friday, March 31, 2006

owning emotion??

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Last night I had a dream that Steve kept ripping on me for something I did. I told him I really wasn't in the mood for it. He persisted his verbal jabs. Finally, I turned around and elbowed him in the face. Not hard, just enough to show with body language that I really wasn't in the state of mind to put up with it. All the emotional in this dream were very vivid and real. The anger at Steve, the self-loathing over my own stupidity.
The worst part was whenever I woke up, I was still filled with self-loathing and anger. The self-loathing went away when I realized that I hadn't actually done that since it was a dream and my dream had started after the incident occurred. However, the anger towards Steve was still there even up to when I saw him this morning. It was a low level rage, but how fucked up is the brain that it will want to react to emotions it knows is not real. I know Steve had not wronged me, I also know that Steve would not act in that manner. Fortunately, all remnants of rage dissapated during our discussion about GMing. (I know they couldn't stay around too long.) P.S. Damn, he can be a sneaky little bastard, but I wanna be able to GM like him.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Game on!

I'm restarting my D&D game soon. Its suffered the loss of one of the 3 players, so its down to a 2 player game, but they both agreed to play it and they seem pretty excited.
I'm thrilled. Finally, the tale that I put a lot of time and effort into will be told or at least more of it will. I'm thrilled because we had one hell of a good time when we gamed before. I'm also thrilled that I have a hole to the outside world that I can share my odd little thoughts with. I enjoy the challenge of GMing. Whenever the players do something that totally throws me for a loop, (by makes good sense), or whenever I have to do some thinking to weave the plot together, or even to act out some characters, it all makes my brain feel so alive.
I'm nervous. We have 2 players. That can seriously skew things. They are both melee fighters, the druid moved away. Yikes, unfortunately, my brain doesn't think of what 2 players or what 2 melee fighters can do and the CR system is set for 4 PC's of varying talent. So its hard to judge a good encounter level for them. A minotaur, a CR 4, a decent normal encounter for a 4th level, is it now a boss encounter due to the fact i have only 2 players?? Or is it too much for them? It's in situations like that, that my inexperience concerns me. I don't wanna whack them (i have some interesting contengencies if I do :). Nor do I want them to have to flee, I wouldn't say my plot is railroad, but it doesn't have too many track switches at this point, and those switches are after "the bridge" that is next session, and if that bridge
They do have an NPC with them to act as a healer. A 3rd level cleric of Ehonna (that was originally supposed to be a cleric of Kord). That does alieviate (sp?) some of my fears, and creates an odd feeling of intrigue/curiosity/glee(?)/suspense for the future. But I can't say too much about that at this time. Security reasons and all. But mostly any concern I have is negated by the fact that they are a great group of gamers. They both have a great roleplaying attitude of wanting to A) see the story unfold and play the part of the characters as it does. B)have a good time with good laughs. C)both kill evil stuff and actually role-play as well.
We'll see how it turns out on Wednesday, i hope.


This post is the cornerstone of a new blog that may die as so many internet phenomenons do, or it may grow.

First, a moment for the dead internet phenomenons before us. All your base are belong to us. Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger Badger.