As some ....well, a couple of you know, I was recently dating. It ended for a couple of reasons. One was that I don't think she really liked me. I think she liked the me that she saw at work (she works at the same college I work at). While, I'm not completely different from who I am outside my job, there are enough differences that Tony S****n (work) and Tony LLama (outside of work) can be two different people. She refused to call me llama and she didn't seem to like it when others did as well and I know that she didn't care much for the llama hat and the llama jacket/costume.
I was talking to some people about this after we broke up, one of which is an older friend. She explained that women that I date won't want to encourage the llama name. They feel that its self-demeaning at worst and goofy at best. A llama is a pack animal and that I have more potential than a pack animal. While she said this trying to be helpful and complimentary, I think we aren't looking at this the same way.
The llama part of me is a part of me that I'm extremely proud of. It symbolizes to me, the times that I've been brave enough to poke out of my little scared shell and be adventurous, willing to endure the mocking laughter of people if they didn't react favorably to me. Its cheesy, but I can honestly say in all cases except for in dating, my life has been improved by going "Okay, how would Atreyu (the character I portray) handle this situation" and then going from there. I'm, in many cases, very shy, Atreyu isn't. Atreyu is that part of me that is goofy and outgoing and overly optimistic. I really don't feel like locking him away anytime soon; he's fun.
I do realize that by continuing with the "llama thing" I may never attract the lass of my dreams, and I'm fine with that. If I reach the point where I'm no longer fine with that, then I'll change. I'm dynamic. I'm trying to eat healthier and get in better shape because I didn't like the direction my health was taking. Its not going spectacularly, but I'm working at it because I see the need to adapt and improve.
Plah, I spent 4 weeks on and off writing this, and it didn't really turn out the way it sounded in my head during the first week.
